I think we are all familiar with the Ten Commandments. Our country doesn’t even want them up in our public schools, courthouses or anywhere for that matter. I think I have a solution for that. These old commandments are somewhat offensive and a bit archaic for a lot of folks. So I am endeavoring to make some changes to them in order to keep the commandments on display in our country’s public places. Here is my “Ten Commandments” 2.0 list. 51b8923e083ff.image

  1. Exodus 20:1-2: First of all lets get rid of any idea of refugees, slavery or terrorism by ensuring that no one ever reads Exodus 20:1-2. This little preamble makes it appear as if God loves refugees and the problems they cause. As an American Christian I just cant have that so I suggest we just focus on the commands without their historical context. I read somewhere, and I believe it, that there is no context like the present when practicing Biblical exegesis.
  2. Exodus 20:3: I think we should make it very clear here on the first command who we are not talking about. “You must not have any other god but me” should be changed to “You must burn the Koran if you really love me”
  3. Exodus 20:4-6:  “Worship God & Country Only”
  4. Exodus 20:7: I suggest we change “You must not misuse the name of the LORD your God. The LORD will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name.” to something short that really pops like this “Don’t misuse God’s name unless you accidentally set yourself on fire while bombing an abortion clinic… I will let that one slide.”
  5. Exodus 20:8: I think folks would really prefer the Sabbath commandment to ensure that skipping Sunday morning worship service and enjoying some NFL Sunday Ticket are great  ways to rest.
  6. Exodus 20:12: Honor your father and mother should be a bit more plural. Honor your father’s and mother’s would work better.
  7. Exodus 20:13: Don’t murder (unless you suspect terrorist activity).
  8. Exodus 20:14: You must not commit adultery unless you have a T.V., Internet or Radio ministry.
  9. Exodus 20:15: Technically it’s not stealing if it has anything to do with government.
  10. Exodus 20:16: You must not testify falsely against your neighbor unless they are gay.
  11. Exodus 20:17: Envy and covetousness is alright as long as you keep “Christ in Christmas”.

If we could just make some changes to those commandments folks would respect them again. I’m interested in what changes you think should be made.