ChurchSignSmallI’m looking for an ideal church where the PASTOR IS  Friendly, understanding, humorous, always available, relevant, likeable, caring, hospitable.  His sermons are interesting, easy to understand, completely biblical, enjoyable to listen to, and never too long (or too short) – always convicting when talking about the sins of others, but always accepting of me and my “weaknesses.”  You can drop by his office any time for a visit – short or long.  He’ll always have time for everyone, and always get everything done – no matter how many people need his personal attention – no matter what the need is, and no matter how large the church becomes, and no matter what is happening in his own family.  He’s just that good.  If he were not, I wouldn’t go.  I’m looking for an ideal church.

I’m looking for an ideal church where the MUSIC IS  Modern, yet traditional.  Energetic, yet reverent.  Spirit-driven, yet dignified.  Completely geared toward the youth, yet appealing to the elderly.  Doctrinally deep, yet not lyrically stuffy.  Inclusive of lots of instruments, yet not too showy.  Excellent in performance, but not performISH.  Given lots of time during the service for those who love to get lost in worship, but not given too much time in the service for those who love to feast upon the word of God.  If the music did not fit this criteria, I wouldn’t go.  I’m interested in finding an ideal church.

I’m looking for an ideal church where the FACILITIES ARE Accessible. Centrally located, and highly visible.  Lots of parking.  Always clean.  Large women’s restroom.  Large, spacious, well-equipped class rooms.  A large kitchen and fellowship hall.  Well-groomed landscaping.  Very multi-purpose, but very obviously a place of worship.  Food and drinks can be eaten everywhere, but everything is always taken care of and kept nice and neat.  If it were not, I wouldn’t go.  I’m looking for the ideal church.

I’m looking for an ideal church where the SCHEULE IS  filled with lots of things going on during the week in case I have free time to attend or be involved, but where there is never pressure to be involved – it’s just always there when I need it.  Classes are offered for every age level, but I’m never asked to teach.  They care about my busy life – but still offer an unending menu of activities.  Sunday services are not too short, but not too long.  They never start late, and always get out at least five minutes early.  My kids always have a teacher, and it’s never me.  If it were not like this, I wouldn’t go.  I’m looking for the ideal church.

I’m looking for an ideal church where the MEMBERS ARE  Always friendly.  Always smile.  Always say and do the right things.  Always help, serve, and volunteer for the things that the church needs.  Always reach out to me – even when I don’t express my needs.  They just know what I need at all times, and are always there to provide it.  And they should be.  They’re members of the ideal church.  They give.  They serve.  They never have a bad attitude, and are always Christ-like in the way they treat me.  And if they were not, I wouldn’t go.  I’m looking for the ideal church.

I’m looking for an ideal church that where the VISITORS ARE welcome. The church I’m looking for accepts everyone just as they are, but has unwavering values about what’s right and what’s wrong.

In addition to all this, the church I’m trying to find is well funded, has everything it needs to minister to everyone who comes, with whatever their need might be, no matter how large or small, and meets all my expectations – whatever I need from it, but never asks its members to financially support what it does.  After all, the ideal church would never just be about money.  And if they did start asking me – I wouldn’t go.  I’m looking for the ideal church.

I keep looking for the ideal church.

I’ve been to quite a few.

They always seem ideal at first – at least most of them.  But I can’t seem to find the ideal church no matter how hard I look.

The churches around here are far from ideal.

Every pastor has eventually disappointed me

I like the music in some of them, but my kids don’t – or vice-versa

Some of them have very nice facilities, but they still have mortgages.  In the ideal church, the bills are always paid – but no request for finances is ever made, and we want a nice church to go to that doesn’t use our money to pay for the chair we sit in, the roof we sit under, the air that cools or heats us, the water that flushes behind us, or the sink we washed our hands in.  We don’t want to pay for the carpet we walked on into the sanctuary we worshipped in, or have to give our hard earned dollars just to have a place to park our car – but we do expect plenty of parking when we’re able to make it.

Most of the churches don’t have the kinds of activities we really want.  Several of them have suggested that we start them!  Excuse me!?  If they were ideal churches, they’d already have thought of it.  Am I right? These churches don’t understand how busy people are these days.

And most of the people in the churches around here are not very nice.  We have yet to really find a truly friendly church.

Most of them are either too dead, or too crazy for our taste.

They’re either too small or too large or too busy or too simple or too spiritual or not spiritual enough.

It’s frustrating looking for the ideal church – but I’m sure I’ll find one some day.

I’m sure my list of ideals is right on.  On those things I will not waver.

I just don’t think it would please the Lord if I looked for anything other than an ideal church.