Every once in awhile, someone will ask me how I am doing. If I’m honest, it doesn’t happen often. In fact, it almost never happens from people in my direct sphere of influence. But there are several good friends, who are also pastors, who will ask me this question.

At first, I don’t even know how to respond! My life is spent involved in other people’s lives. I don’t say that as a complaint, but as a celebration! I love my life. I love the honor and privilege of serving Christ for the sake of the gospel and to to encourage the Church. But how am I doing? I don’t know how to answer that. Should I be honest? Does this person actually care how I am doing? Are they emotionally prepared to listen to me explain to them how difficult it is serving people? What is their motivation for asking me this question? How am I doing? Maybe I haven’t considered that question for awhile. Luke, how are you doing? Are you doing good right now, or are you struggling?

I guess it comes down to the fact that I don’t think about this question very often. But as I am thinking about it this morning, me thinks it may be a more important question to ask myself than to have others ask me. Sure, it sometimes hurts to have no one ask that question in my life because the natural interpretation to that is that no one cares. I know that isn’t true, but it’s easy to jump to that conclusion and difficult to resist it. But I can survive without having that “emotional” support. Flourish? Maybe not. Survive? I think so.

But there’s this nagging suspicion that I have am important task as a pastor. I need to always be in a state of examination. It’s easy, for me, to do so on a biblical or theological level. It has also become increasingly easy for me to examine the ministries and events and even people that I lead. But to examine myself? Not so easy. What questions do I ask myself? Will I ask them? Even more important – will I actually answer them? Honestly? Do I mind opening up to myself? Am I becoming schizophrenic?

Okay, maybe I can be honest here on a blog. I think we need both. We need people to ask us how we’re doing and we need to examine our hearts. If I really believe God is sovereign and in charge of the universe and working to sanctify His people, than I have to agree that two of the means that God uses for our spiritual and emotional health are (1) other people and (2) our own self-examination. We need both. And here’s why…

I think we need other people to ask how we’re doing because the Church is not just one person. It is not a single person who is all by themselves, taking on the world and the devil one sinner and pitch fork at a time! No, the Church is a plural group of people who make up the Body of Christ. When one person rejoices, everyone rejoices and when one person grieves, everyone grieves (1 Cor. 12:26). The point of Christian community is that people would be involved in each other’s lives. The goal is that people would be committed to one another and concerned about one another. Why? Because this is one of the most important ways that God Himself cares for His people! He cares for us through others! So we need each other. I need others. You need others. We all need others.

Secondly, we need to examine ourselves because, quite honestly, it is easy to tell others we’re fine when we know, deep down, we are not. How many times has someone asked you how you were doing, to which you replied, “I’m fine” or “I’m well”? How many? Hundreds? Thousands of times? If we’re honest, we don’t just open up to people because they simply ask. We open up to people when we understand that they are not going to use that information for their own gain or to manipulate us. We open up when we know that they care. And even when we do know people care, we often don’t become vulnerable because we don’t know how! So we need to examine ourselves. We need to ask ourselves, how am I doing? And from there, we need to discern whether we need some help, healing, or even just a listening ear.

As I’m thinking this through, I can see where I fail in both areas. There are some people I do not ask how they are doing because I assume that they are doing well or that they, like me, are “leaders” and don’t need emotional and spiritual care. Some of these people serve along-side me and I figure, wrongly, that they are “okay.” This is wrong. No, this is sinfully insufficient for a pastor to do. Assuming is almost always wrong. Geez, how many times have I had to experience that in order to know that? People aren’t okay just because they appear to be okay or are serving in leadership. In fact, it’s safe to say that if they are in leadership, they are struggling in some area! People are brutal to pastors and leaders. You can’t even imagine it. And no, it does not help when you say that you understand, especially if you really don’t understand what it’s like to be a “full time” pastor! But that’s another blog post, ha ha!

I also fail in asking myself how I am doing, or in allowing those close friends of mine the opportunity to encourage me. I could do a better job of opening up to others. Boy, I have a hard time opening up to my wife. Yes, I’m getting much better and really working on that relationship, but I could work on others. I need to work on other relationships. Okay, I’m going to work on other relationships.

Yeah. So, how am I doing? I’m fine.